toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
