I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
