I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
