9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
