you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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