Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
