Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
