So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
dude i'm inner monologue high
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
