The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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