I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
