Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
