My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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