it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
