Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
