I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
