You smell like a Billy Joel song
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
