I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
