Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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