she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
