It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you inspire me to be a worse person
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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