I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
