Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
