I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
