Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
