absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
