is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
