I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
