wrigley field is MILF paradise
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
