thus making me awesome and them whores
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
