When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
