My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
