He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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