FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
