I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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