I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
