he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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