worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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