in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
