So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
