I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
