Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Pappa wants mamma naked
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
