This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
