So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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