Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
