Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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