I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The uberlube is also flammable
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Randomize
