you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
