So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
