just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
