dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
