In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I am mentally ready for anal.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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