You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
