She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
True strength comes from lack of pants
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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