Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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