think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
