take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
